I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't make out with my wife yet
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
