My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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