I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Randomize
