i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
time to smoke my breakfast
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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