i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
