And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
