The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
