i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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