dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
