Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
