I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
my poor anus
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
