i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
