Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
