'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
