Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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