I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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