my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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