You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
