you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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