I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
