My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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