I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
