I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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