Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
