i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
