dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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