Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
