***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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