my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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