She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize