Jerry, you need to find god
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
