I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
