Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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