Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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