I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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