I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
