Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
