There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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