Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
