I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
