accomplished twins. life is a go
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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