nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
