Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
