How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
