he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
