everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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