He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
