Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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