I didn't shave. On purpose
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
