You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
