No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
