I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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