I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
