was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
