drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
