after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
