He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
