My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
