my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
