Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
