Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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