the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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