I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just want to make out with him forever
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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