Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize