Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
