So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
