what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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