I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
