ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
