Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i permit you to call me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
