I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
